This Means War!
by Rose Starre
Summary: Artemis Fowl II doesn't like being tickled. But what happens when a tickle war springs up? This is a One-shot.


Fowl Manor, May 27, 2011, 13:00:05 and counting…

Artemis was reading a reproduction of a seventeenth-century book, The Pilgrim's Progress, when the window of his study creaked open. Something, rather, some_one_, invisible to the casual observer, moved inside.

Captain Holly Short had apparently decided to stop by. Artemis tried to appear as though he hadn't noticed. Holly crossed the room to get a better look at her human friend.

He was getting to be tall, but that didn't mean his thin form would change in any way. His mismatched eyes rapidly scanned the pages he was reading. His long-fingered hands tenderly held his book as though it were an infant. His mouth barely moved, forming words as he read.

Holly switched off her shield and flickered into the visible spectrum. "Hey there, Mud Boy," she said cheerily. Artemis pretended not to have heard her. "Um… Hello?" Holly asked.

Artemis had been sneaking glances at the elfish captain without her seeing. She made an extraordinary character with her pointed ears and spiky red hair. Her head was tilted to the side and her eyes (also mismatched) curiously looked him over.

Holly waved her small, slim-fingered hand in front of Artemis's face, and his eyes couldn't help but to follow it. "I _knew_ you could see me," Holly muttered, grinning.

Artemis casually marked his page, but read a few more sentences. Then, he closed the book with a soft bang and set it aside. He sat for a few moments as the final details to a plan to surprise Holly came to his mind.

"Artemis?" Holly asked. She knew the look on her friend's face all too well. He was constructing a plan, and normally, his plans didn't agree with her. His slowly spreading grin didn't help much, either.

Suddenly, Artemis leapt forward, arms outstretched. Holly had enough sense to step back a bit, but it wasn't enough. His fingertips softly brushed against her sensitive ribcage.

Holly squealed in surprise and jumped back. Artemis, meanwhile, landed painfully on the floor. He groaned, but inwardly, he reeled in surprise at his new discovery: the tough little nut, who called herself Holly Short, was ticklish!

Holly stared, wide-eyed, at the boy sprawled on the floor. No living thing, be it man, fairy, or beast, had ever found out about this! She wanted to flee to Haven, but curiosity at the boy's reaction kept her glued to the spot.

Artemis got up off the floor, gasping to regain his lost breath. He looked at the shocked elf, a rare, genuine smile forming on his lips. "Well, well, well," He said, "What do we have here?"

The expression on Holly's face was an odd mixture of sheer joy and utter terror. She remained stationary, wondering what Artemis would do next.

Slowly, Artemis circled Holly, pondering where to strike next. After a few agonizing moments, he settled on attacking her stomach. He lashed out with a jab that even Butler would have been proud of. He jiggled his fingers over her soft belly, immediately causing wild laughter.

Holly fell, giggling, to the floor. She curled up in a hopeless attempt to hide her weak spots. Sadly, this still left her ribs and sides wide open. Artemis seized this opportunity and dug his fingers into Holly's exposed side.

Holly shrieked and was on her feet, dashing to the other side of the room, in no time flat. She soon stood there, chuckling softly and shaking slightly. "Mud boy," she said in a trembling voice, "I won't stand and tolerate this."

Holly grinned evilly and said, "Artemis, this means war!" There was a lasso nearby that Artemis's brothers, Myles and Beckett, had abandoned. Holly ran for the lasso and snatched it.

About a minute later, Holly had Artemis hogtied and completely at her mercy. She smiled at him, her eyes gleaming impishly. Artemis shook his head wildly. "Holly!" he pleaded, "Please! You can't do this!"

"Says who?" Holly asked.

"I do," Artemis said, his voice trembling like the rest of him.

"Oh, yeah?" Holly laughed, "You and what army?"

"I have Butler," Artemis said, gaining a bit of confidence with the mere mention of his bodyguard.

"Oh," Holly muttered, "That's a pretty good army…"

That little bit of banter was enough for Artemis to think of a plan. "All right," Artemis groaned, "Enough talk, let's get this over with."

Holly stepped a bit closer and looked Artemis over in his vulnerable position. As Artemis had anticipated, she leaned in for a closer look. He didn't move as quickly as he'd have liked, though. Holly managed to gently run her fingers over his ribs.

Then, Artemis made a sound no one would have expected: an awfully loud squeal. Holly and even Artemis himself were surprised. Artemis recovered more quickly and somehow managed to move his fingers across Holly's ribcage like a piano.

Holly shrieked and jumped back. "What was that?" She asked.

Artemis grinned at her from his place on the floor. "No matter," he said, "I just don't enjoy partaking in that activity in that manner."

Butler had _finally _heard the ruckus and burst into the room. He found Artemis tied up on the floor and Holly on the other side of the room, panting slightly. "What on earth happened here?" he asked.

Artemis and Holly glanced at each other and back at Butler. Then, Holly spoke up. "Butler," she said, "There was some guy and he tied up Artemis and started attacking us. I managed to fend him off, but…" Holly trailed off.

Artemis spoke up to finish the story. "It was a pretty rough skirmish," he said. "I didn't even see him approaching. I was fortunate Holly was nearby to help."

Butler looked around the room. There weren't many evident signs of a struggle. Whoever had attacked had kept it clean. Butler shook his head and left the room.

Holly let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. "That was a close one, right?" she asked.

Artemis nodded. He struggled against his bonds and asked, "Could you possibly untie me now?"

"Oh, right! I almost forgot!" Holly exclaimed as she went to untie him.

END

_Author's note: I don't own Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, or Butler. That privilege goes to Eoin Colfer. The two things I do own are the plot and this strange obsession with tickling that popped up a few weeks ago. Oh well._


End file.
